Dad’s having a hard time these days. We’ve known for a while that his driving was becoming an issue. We tried hiding his keys for the longest time. A month ago I anonymously reported my dad to the DMV. I felt like such the traitor for doing it behind his back but felt there was no other way. We felt that if he was going to have any anger/resentment from having his driving privileges taken away, it would be better for the DMV (a non-personal gov institution) to bear the brunt of his wrath rather than family, friends, or his doctor. We didn’t want to create an animous relationship with the people that care for him or for him to get suspicious or paranoid at those that care for him. It’s a hard that I can’t begin to describe. He starting to feel the depression of losing his independence. He said to me, ”I might as well just lie down and die.” He always feels so guilty and apologetic that I’m having to drive him to all his appointments. And of course, I just brush it off and say that I am so happy to spend extra time with him even though it might not be the funnest times and for him not to please think that way. It breaks our hearts to see him like this. He was always such the strong father-figure – a great provider and there for us in every way. And of course it has all these emotional repercussions for my mom as well who is with him all the time. She’s trying hard to be strong but I can see the pain/grief in her eyes. We just pray that despite these negative but necessary transitions my dad would have peace in his heart and would continue to trust us to help him.
The above was yesterday… today was a bit better. He was still bitter about the driving but at least he seemed more calm today. He needed more labwork so Jd5 (after I picked her up from kindergarten) and I escorted my dad who was very reluctant to go. My mom came too and I suggested we go to lunch afterwards. We had a great sushi lunch and even went to the Yogurtland next door (yay, no line!). While we were now all relaxed and laughing, I chided dad for being so ornery about something so necessary and promised to take him out to lunch everytime. They came with me to pick up the older two and we had a great time hanging out in the car watching Od7 and Jd5 run around on the field while waiting for Zs9 to come out (30 min later). They reminisced about our (my brother’s and my) childhood with tears in their eyes and said that 30 years ago seems like yesterday to them.
Comments (1)
What a great story, Sue. Your gentle and loving reaction has a huge part in alleviating the painful transition away from independence. I'm definitely putting this to memory.